Trying To Earn Gods Approval

Reading the bible doesn't always equal growing closer to God. Sometimes, you may be growing farther from Him. 

I found myself going to church, serving, leading small group, being in a small group, reading my bible daily, and praying; yet, I found myself farther from God than ever before. Why? Well, after living in a stagnant relationship with Christ for months, I've realized that: religion- doing the right thing, living by a set of rules- doesn't bring you closer to God; knowing who God is- his character and heart towards you- does. 

I continued striving with what religion told me would bring me closer to God. "If I did this than God and I would be besties." But, that wasn't happening. I thought I was doing something wrong, if only I figured out what was wrong and fixed it than my relationship with God would be saved and the desert season I was in would end. I was wrong. 

When we believe trying harder, by ourselves, is the answer, we will never be able to find God. Why? Because the whole point of Jesus coming was that us non-perfect people could never be enough, try enough, to be in relation with a perfect God- we can never attain perfection on our own. Thus, striving for perfection will always fail, embracing grace won't.

After I stopped trying to do everything right and soaked in how God viewed me- a daughter, righteous, holy, forgiven, accepted, and unconditionally loved- than Jesus and I's relationship began to grow. You see: I was trying because I wanted God to love and accept me. I was messing up and falling into sin, so I didn't think God loved me and accepted me for who I was. I viewed myself as unworthy and unloved so I thought God did too. But he doesn't. 

God views you the same, yesterday, today, and forever. Nothing you do will change his view of you: his daughter whom he loves so much that he was beaten and killed for you to live in freedom. Stop rejecting what Jesus did for you and embrace the grace he has already given you. Give your sins, doubt, fears, failures, over to Him, nail it on the cross, and bow down and worship the King who made it possible. You are no longer your old self. You are adopted and made new. You are owned by God. It's time to forgive yourself because, hun, you have already been forgiven. 

• I don't need to prove myself to God; I am already approved by Him•

Cancer Letter

My daughter,

Yes. It came back positive. Yes. You are scared, scared on a level that shivers down to your bones. This is a turning point, a time in your life that you'll look back on and sing praises to Me- not due to the outcome, good or bad, but because of the hairs of positives that will come from this experience. I'm holding you so tightly in my hands when you stay up at night and cry and cry. Your pain pierces my heart. Your tears make my eyes water. Oh, how I love you. Oh, how I wish you could see from my perspective. Remember my thoughts are higher than yours, my ways higher than your ways. Evil does not win.

There are a hundred things I wish to tell you, whisper in your ear. Sometimes your situations, pain, overwhelm you like a wave you are submerged under with no escape. But, I am here. I am God. I can do anything I please and, my love, I will help you. I desperately want to be your strength during this time to rescue you from this wave. Give everything to me- the outcome, the struggle, the fear, the uncertainty. Let the peace that comes with knowing me be your guide.

My love for you is larger than you can imagine,

Jesus

“With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.”-Mark 10:27

“Do not fear, only believe.” Mark 5:36

Ethiopian Friends

My friend, Tiebebu, is an orphan living in Addis. He is one of the sweetest and most genuine kids I've ever met. He has such a kind, loving, heart. I can't imagine the pain he feels knowing he was abandoned, and no one wanted him.

Debora works at Mission Ethiopia. I first met her while she was preaching it up during Mission Ethiopia's daily devotional. Her passionate tone, and intense body language while she preached was something I will always remember. Debora's love for Jesus shines when you see her.

This is my good friend Mikias. Mikias was our translator. This trip I really got to know him. Growing up, Mikias was thrown in prison multiple times, stoned, and mobbed out of his own home for loving Jesus. But that didn't stop him from telling others about what Jesus had done for them. Every time we would eat, Mikias would make me eat his meal first. He always gave me his drink. If I said I was cold, he would take off his shirt and give it to me. Mikias knows how to love like Jesus loved. I miss him so much.

Kasa is a leper. He has no fingers, but still makes rugs. He is one of the men that work for Mission Ethiopia. Every time I passed by his work station he would wave and have a huge grin on his face as I yelled, “Kasa!”. His wife recently died. Kasa loved her so much. As he told are team about it, he started to cry. He is one of the few men that haven't left their wives. He is struggling to pay his rent (less than $20 a month), so the women at Mission Ethiopia are chipping in to help him.

I feel in love with these two souls- Tigist and Temeshen. They are full of so much energy and fun. Tigist would always make sure the kids wouldn't steal my things. She would yell at them and defend me. When my hair fell in my face she would always gently push it behind my ear. Every day in Korah I never left her side. I miss her so much. Their father abandoned them and their mom works for Mission Ethiopia, so I know she is getting food. I am grateful for Mission Ethiopia being in their lives.

Beza works for the guest home through Mission Ethiopia. She is one of the better off Ethiopians but has one of the most generous hearts. One lady we met was only 18, got raped, had a kid, and her family left her. They had no food or clothes and were clearly dying. Beza took the clothes in her closet and gave them to this lady. I love her so much.

This is my friend Meskyrem and her mom, I hung our with them everyday. Meskyrem is best friends with Tigist. She has an older and younger sister. Her father left them. Meskyrems mom luckily got a job working with Mission Ethiopia. Without it she would most likely be begging and sorting through trash. Meskyrem is such a leader, I see so much potential in her.

The person in the blue shirt is Anguach. I got to visit her closet size home while I was in Ethiopia. She has only been working for Mission Ethiopia for two weeks. She was in a bad car accident were her husband for 20 years died, along with her new born baby. Anguach is like the mom to her small street. Children came and went and she provided them with food. The community of Mission Ethiopia has really helped her bring healing. She also makes amazing coffee(:

Our van just started to roll out of Korah. These three little girls, Tigist, Meskyrem, and Lydia, I hung around every day. Tears were streaming as I said goodbye. I couldn't stand leaving them, how many other people have they seen leave? I took out my camera in an effort to make them smile. This is the picture I snapped.