A lot of people don't know that I have trust issues -actually I don't think anyones knows.
Hi, my name is Kirstin and I have trust issues.
Before I got saved I don't think I could have ever admitted that, which is sad. I think it all started because of this girl, Haley. We got so close, beyond close, closer than I have ever gotten with a friend. We talked for over 6 hours a day, or more(during school days)! My life was her. Then one day on facebook she started calling me names, cussing me out, for no reason. I'll NEVER forget that day. How could my BEST friend do that? Then she started spreading rumors about me. It just got really dirty, really quick. To this day when we see each other at church we don't look at each other, even when we're standing right next to each other.
This has affected me greatly, not just because I lost my best friend, but because I don't think I can ever get that close to someone anymore. Lately God has blessed me with some great older influences in my life. I've gotten close with some of them, but it's so hard trusting that they won't turn their backs on me, and leave me. That's why I think i come across as needy, not cause I need them, but because I need to know they still care. I don't excpect them to ever understand this. It's hard when they yell at me and say "i'm not going to try to get you to talk", because I know they're right, they shouldn't have to -when I hear that though I think "they dont care enough to try". I know its my fault but the worst part is they will never understand.
I just pray they can...
8/15/11
8/14/11
Hi God...
Just a prayer I feel like I've been saying, I don't know how to pray "right" but I know my God hears and doesn't need fancy words for Him to understand me(:
Dear God,
You know the struggles I'm facing. You know the worries that are taking over my mind. But God I don't get why I can't just let it go and trust you. I know you're God almighty and can do anything, but its so hard for me to let go, and let you work father. Sometimes I feel like I can trust you lord, but I cant trust people. How do I know they won't turn their backs on me? How do I know if what I'm doing is in your plan? God I wish I knew your plans, but I'm just a little speak and don't have the knowledge and wisdom you have. Father could you shot some of your precious wisdom down to me? I love you Jesus. Thank you so much for dieing for a sinner like me. I try my best to live for you than myself but its so hard sometimes. Is what I'm doing for you? I mean I know I'm helping people and all but I'm not teaching them about YOU! Isn't that why I'm here? To spread your love? God what if everyone turns there back on me and no one likes me anymore? How can i go through high school living like that? Would you let that happen to me God? I'm so small, could what I be doing make a difference? I know I've helped a lot of people, but why are their still people hating. It makes me wonder if what I'm doing is right. I'm so scared of the future and what it holds but you tell me in Jeremiah not to worry about the future because what ever it is, it's in my best interest.Father, I'm sorry for my sins please forgive me I ask this in Jesus's holy name. I love you sooooo much. Thank you for this day and the family you've blessed me with. Please Jesus, Help me.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
Dear God,
You know the struggles I'm facing. You know the worries that are taking over my mind. But God I don't get why I can't just let it go and trust you. I know you're God almighty and can do anything, but its so hard for me to let go, and let you work father. Sometimes I feel like I can trust you lord, but I cant trust people. How do I know they won't turn their backs on me? How do I know if what I'm doing is in your plan? God I wish I knew your plans, but I'm just a little speak and don't have the knowledge and wisdom you have. Father could you shot some of your precious wisdom down to me? I love you Jesus. Thank you so much for dieing for a sinner like me. I try my best to live for you than myself but its so hard sometimes. Is what I'm doing for you? I mean I know I'm helping people and all but I'm not teaching them about YOU! Isn't that why I'm here? To spread your love? God what if everyone turns there back on me and no one likes me anymore? How can i go through high school living like that? Would you let that happen to me God? I'm so small, could what I be doing make a difference? I know I've helped a lot of people, but why are their still people hating. It makes me wonder if what I'm doing is right. I'm so scared of the future and what it holds but you tell me in Jeremiah not to worry about the future because what ever it is, it's in my best interest.Father, I'm sorry for my sins please forgive me I ask this in Jesus's holy name. I love you sooooo much. Thank you for this day and the family you've blessed me with. Please Jesus, Help me.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
8/12/11
Judging
In school I swear I have been taught; “don't judge a book by its cover” a million times- whether it be my 8th grade or 9th grade English teacher teaching the subject. Everyone say's it, but no one does it. The same was true with me.
Before I started this facebook account, ( I started an account for our school to encourage people, and help them realize their worth and aren't alone) I looked at the school, I saw the people I liked, and the people I didn't like. The people I didn't like, I judged- maybe it was something they said about me, or something I heard about them, that made me to not like them. I didn't know them. I didn't know there struggles, I just looked at them and saw what I thought about them, my judgments.
The same may be true about you too. You have the people you like, and don't like. But the people you dont like, I have a question. Do you make fun of them? Do you talk behind there back to your friends? Do you start rumors about them? Do you give them dirty looks? Do you roll your eyes? I hope not. But, I know most of you do, and sometimes I'm guilty of it to. The thing is, that's why life, our jobs, our schooling is messed up -because we judge people.
Have you thought of their feelings when you give them dirty looks? Or talk behind their back? They feel the same emotions as you do, it hurts them. They don't like it when people are being mean to them, just as much as you do.
Another thing you don't know is them. This is the biggest lesson i've learned from this facebook account -YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THEY'RE STRUGGLING WITH! The first person I helped told me she wanted to kill herself because of bullies. You know what? I was someone that didn't like her, I didn't make fun of her, but we definitely weren't the best of friends. But, I was blessed to have gotten to help her -I will never look at her in the same way.
You don't know what's behind every smile. Your co-worker could be struggling with divorce. Or maybe they're in an abusive relationship. Maybe they gossip about how others look, because they grew up and everyday their mom told them they were ugly. What if they were molestead as a kid and now don't know how to trust anybody, not even you at work. My point is the people you see everyday, and judge, you don't know them. You don't know their past or their struggles.
“Never judge a book by it's cover”
Their cover is just a mask of what's truly on the inside.
Before I started this facebook account, ( I started an account for our school to encourage people, and help them realize their worth and aren't alone) I looked at the school, I saw the people I liked, and the people I didn't like. The people I didn't like, I judged- maybe it was something they said about me, or something I heard about them, that made me to not like them. I didn't know them. I didn't know there struggles, I just looked at them and saw what I thought about them, my judgments.
The same may be true about you too. You have the people you like, and don't like. But the people you dont like, I have a question. Do you make fun of them? Do you talk behind there back to your friends? Do you start rumors about them? Do you give them dirty looks? Do you roll your eyes? I hope not. But, I know most of you do, and sometimes I'm guilty of it to. The thing is, that's why life, our jobs, our schooling is messed up -because we judge people.
Have you thought of their feelings when you give them dirty looks? Or talk behind their back? They feel the same emotions as you do, it hurts them. They don't like it when people are being mean to them, just as much as you do.
Another thing you don't know is them. This is the biggest lesson i've learned from this facebook account -YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THEY'RE STRUGGLING WITH! The first person I helped told me she wanted to kill herself because of bullies. You know what? I was someone that didn't like her, I didn't make fun of her, but we definitely weren't the best of friends. But, I was blessed to have gotten to help her -I will never look at her in the same way.
You don't know what's behind every smile. Your co-worker could be struggling with divorce. Or maybe they're in an abusive relationship. Maybe they gossip about how others look, because they grew up and everyday their mom told them they were ugly. What if they were molestead as a kid and now don't know how to trust anybody, not even you at work. My point is the people you see everyday, and judge, you don't know them. You don't know their past or their struggles.
“Never judge a book by it's cover”
Their cover is just a mask of what's truly on the inside.
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