Attention

                I definitely would say that I have struggled with this word “attention” in my life. Most of it probably stemmed from not feeling enough at home. My parents were always at work, the only time I would see them was late at night, and this really did have a huge affect on me. I guess this issue really got at its height in eight grade (I’ve probably said this story a million times on my blog so if you want to read about it click here). I was so overwhelmed with different emotions yet it felt like no one noticed! I had this deep desire in my heart for someone to notice me and help. I think that’s a big reason why I cut – for attention. I would have NEVER said that if you asked me, because I honestly believed that wasn’t the reason I did it. But God has finally burdened me and told me that attention really was it.

                

                 The past few days I have been looking back on my recent weeks and months and have started questioning myself. Am I filling my attention void now by telling people my testimony and starting the HOPE project? Doing these things has brought the same attention to me as cutting did. And if cutting for attention was bad, then isn’t telling people my testimony and gaining attention bad too?

   

  Well I started to believe that. Attention in my past = bad, so Attention for what I am doing now should = bad too, right? I got really low about this thought, particularly about an hour ago. So I started writing and venting to God about my issues. I don’t want to then out of nowhere he hit me with this thought.

It’s not receiving attention that’s bad, it’s what we do with that attention that really matters.

Actually getting attention isn’t a bad thing, Jesus received a ton of it! Yet he didn’t get caught up in “Oh look how many people like me and think I’m cool” because he realized his worth. His worth didn’t come from man or man-made things, they came from God. His relationship with God filled him so he didn’t have that need to become noticed and popular with man. This is what I believe I need to do too. Although I am receiving attention for my HOPE project and testimony, I can’t look at that and think my worth comes from people noticing me, or from people liking me. I have to know that my worth comes from something not man-made, it comes from the God whom I love. 

The attention I get from doing good in His name has no comparison to the attention I received while cutting. The attention received while cutting was where I found my worth. But now I can do the things I am now and receive the same attention, but not find my worth in it. That is the difference I have, JESUS – knowing that I don’t have to look for people to notice me or except me because he already does.

“Don’t let what you’re doing identify you, think of it as a gift from God” -Jason

Praise God! Amen.

Spread the HOPE

Growing up I was oblivious to the outside world. I thought that everyone lived the way I did – clean water, food whenever needed, toilets, a house, knowing about Jesus. But I was wrong. This past April I had the opportunity to attend 30 hour Famine (My experience during thirty hour famine was actually the first blog I ever wrote, which you can read right here). At this place I had the experience to live, do, and feel what people in Africa and other poor countries face every day. I couldn’t eat for 30 hours straight; this was one of my first times doing this. Boy was it harder than I thought. The night for me was the hardest because I didn’t have something to get my mind off the pain like I did during the day. I realized though that kids every night feel like this. The thought pained me. I couldn’t stand the fact that I had more food then I could ever need and others didn’t even have enough to survive. I knew God in that moment wanted me to do something about this.

So I did something about it. I started doing a little fundraiser in my mom’s scrapbooking store. People would come in handing us old, used, unwanted items, and I would resell them. I used this money and gave it to World Vision, which is a Christian organization that helps the poor in third world countries. And who knew, in three months I raised over $1,000 for World Vision. This money would feed a kid for 3 years! I was astonished that I could make such a big difference in this world and how God was using me in such a big way. 

I didn’t want to stop there though I knew God had even bigger plans for me. So I decided to buy these wrist bands, which I would sell and give the money to charity – all 1,100 of them. On them “HOPE” is written. This word has two meanings. One, we are giving money and feeding these kids for a day which in turn gives them HOPE: Helping Other People Eat. Second, World Vision (whom the moneys going to) helps spread the gospel to the people they help. Thus spreading HOPE to people who never heard the name Jesus before.

I just received these bracelets today and will be selling them for $2, which would feed a child for a whole day. My goal is to sell all of them. But this is going to be hard especially in this small town of mine. So that’s why I am writing this. I want to sell them to people like you reading this. If you want one of my bracelets you can buy one through my website. Just click the Donation tab at the top! 

Buy yours here: http://www.helpotherpeopleeat.org/

I know through Jesus I will be able to reach my goal, which will in turn raise over $1,000 for the hungry. But I can’t do this alone. I need your help in getting the word out. You can do this in multiple ways. You can RT my tweet to this link, you can post the link on your FB, or you can tell your friends about it and get them involved!

With your help I know we can reach hundreds of children starving, thank you for your time.

God Bless, Kirstin

To: The Most Beautiful Soul I Know

It started with a tweet
Reading your profile
loves, Britt, Jenna, Jamie, Court
My face curved with a smile
Some how I knew we'd get along
I clicked "follow"

Who knew we'd grow this close?

It was eight months
You told me you were proud of me
you asked me what i was recovering from
I sent you a link...

Who knew we both were recovering from the same thing(:

You facebook messaged me...

Some how we were exactly alike
Some how both our lives changed,
at the exact same place
Some how we were both going to
that place together in March
Some how God worked everything out
so we'd become friends

Who knew(:

Well... i think some one knew...

I am so happy we meet each other :D

D,

You make me a better me. How much you've been through, yet you're still standing strong in the lord. Everything you are facing you are defeating and not letting it get to you. Although you tell me you aren't strong... D you are... i couldn't have gone through all of that. But that's why i adore you. Seeing you go through all the pain you are facing, yet you still tweet about how blessed you are. You still are thankful. You still know God has your back. You still have faith through everything. That is amazing(: I cant even write how much i love you, its impossible. Honestly, every time when i feel like I'm having a bad day i think about your strength through everything, and it keeps me going. You are an inspiration to me and many others, girl. I cant wait to meet you!

Love you lots(:
-Kirstin