Reading the bible doesn't always equal growing closer to God. Sometimes, you may be growing farther from Him.
I found myself going to church, serving, leading small group, being in a small group, reading my bible daily, and praying; yet, I found myself farther from God than ever before. Why? Well, after living in a stagnant relationship with Christ for months, I've realized that: religion- doing the right thing, living by a set of rules- doesn't bring you closer to God; knowing who God is- his character and heart towards you- does.
I continued striving with what religion told me would bring me closer to God. "If I did this than God and I would be besties." But, that wasn't happening. I thought I was doing something wrong, if only I figured out what was wrong and fixed it than my relationship with God would be saved and the desert season I was in would end. I was wrong.
When we believe trying harder, by ourselves, is the answer, we will never be able to find God. Why? Because the whole point of Jesus coming was that us non-perfect people could never be enough, try enough, to be in relation with a perfect God- we can never attain perfection on our own. Thus, striving for perfection will always fail, embracing grace won't.
After I stopped trying to do everything right and soaked in how God viewed me- a daughter, righteous, holy, forgiven, accepted, and unconditionally loved- than Jesus and I's relationship began to grow. You see: I was trying because I wanted God to love and accept me. I was messing up and falling into sin, so I didn't think God loved me and accepted me for who I was. I viewed myself as unworthy and unloved so I thought God did too. But he doesn't.
God views you the same, yesterday, today, and forever. Nothing you do will change his view of you: his daughter whom he loves so much that he was beaten and killed for you to live in freedom. Stop rejecting what Jesus did for you and embrace the grace he has already given you. Give your sins, doubt, fears, failures, over to Him, nail it on the cross, and bow down and worship the King who made it possible. You are no longer your old self. You are adopted and made new. You are owned by God. It's time to forgive yourself because, hun, you have already been forgiven.
• I don't need to prove myself to God; I am already approved by Him•
