Spread the HOPE

Growing up I was oblivious to the outside world. I thought that everyone lived the way I did – clean water, food whenever needed, toilets, a house, knowing about Jesus. But I was wrong. This past April I had the opportunity to attend 30 hour Famine (My experience during thirty hour famine was actually the first blog I ever wrote, which you can read right here). At this place I had the experience to live, do, and feel what people in Africa and other poor countries face every day. I couldn’t eat for 30 hours straight; this was one of my first times doing this. Boy was it harder than I thought. The night for me was the hardest because I didn’t have something to get my mind off the pain like I did during the day. I realized though that kids every night feel like this. The thought pained me. I couldn’t stand the fact that I had more food then I could ever need and others didn’t even have enough to survive. I knew God in that moment wanted me to do something about this.

So I did something about it. I started doing a little fundraiser in my mom’s scrapbooking store. People would come in handing us old, used, unwanted items, and I would resell them. I used this money and gave it to World Vision, which is a Christian organization that helps the poor in third world countries. And who knew, in three months I raised over $1,000 for World Vision. This money would feed a kid for 3 years! I was astonished that I could make such a big difference in this world and how God was using me in such a big way. 

I didn’t want to stop there though I knew God had even bigger plans for me. So I decided to buy these wrist bands, which I would sell and give the money to charity – all 1,100 of them. On them “HOPE” is written. This word has two meanings. One, we are giving money and feeding these kids for a day which in turn gives them HOPE: Helping Other People Eat. Second, World Vision (whom the moneys going to) helps spread the gospel to the people they help. Thus spreading HOPE to people who never heard the name Jesus before.

I just received these bracelets today and will be selling them for $2, which would feed a child for a whole day. My goal is to sell all of them. But this is going to be hard especially in this small town of mine. So that’s why I am writing this. I want to sell them to people like you reading this. If you want one of my bracelets you can buy one through my website. Just click the Donation tab at the top! 

Buy yours here: http://www.helpotherpeopleeat.org/

I know through Jesus I will be able to reach my goal, which will in turn raise over $1,000 for the hungry. But I can’t do this alone. I need your help in getting the word out. You can do this in multiple ways. You can RT my tweet to this link, you can post the link on your FB, or you can tell your friends about it and get them involved!

With your help I know we can reach hundreds of children starving, thank you for your time.

God Bless, Kirstin

To: The Most Beautiful Soul I Know

It started with a tweet
Reading your profile
loves, Britt, Jenna, Jamie, Court
My face curved with a smile
Some how I knew we'd get along
I clicked "follow"

Who knew we'd grow this close?

It was eight months
You told me you were proud of me
you asked me what i was recovering from
I sent you a link...

Who knew we both were recovering from the same thing(:

You facebook messaged me...

Some how we were exactly alike
Some how both our lives changed,
at the exact same place
Some how we were both going to
that place together in March
Some how God worked everything out
so we'd become friends

Who knew(:

Well... i think some one knew...

I am so happy we meet each other :D

D,

You make me a better me. How much you've been through, yet you're still standing strong in the lord. Everything you are facing you are defeating and not letting it get to you. Although you tell me you aren't strong... D you are... i couldn't have gone through all of that. But that's why i adore you. Seeing you go through all the pain you are facing, yet you still tweet about how blessed you are. You still are thankful. You still know God has your back. You still have faith through everything. That is amazing(: I cant even write how much i love you, its impossible. Honestly, every time when i feel like I'm having a bad day i think about your strength through everything, and it keeps me going. You are an inspiration to me and many others, girl. I cant wait to meet you!

Love you lots(:
-Kirstin

The Wedding Dress

           She stands, looking at herself in the mirror, eyes covered in tears, “this is it” she says, “I’m finally getting married.” This was the day my interviewee, Lindsay, had dreamed about ever since she was a kid.  Looking in the mirror, you saw Lindsay, standing in her gorgeous, white, laced, sparkly, strapless dress. Her make-up was perfectly done and her hair waved in a seamlessly natural look. Lindsay continued explaining to me about her dress, “The dress was literally the first one I tried on.”

Her wedding took place on the beach – the perfect setting. Wind flowing, waves crashing in a sequenced pattern, the sun just on the brink of setting, everything was in place. All of her friends and family were seated, patiently waiting for the bride. Brady, her husband, was standing in front of them, wearing his nicest suit. Heather, the maid of honor, was waiting eagerly at the altar, finally getting to see her best friend evolve from a woman to a wife as she walks down the aisle. Fixing the last piece of hair, Lindsay was ready to go down the aisle.

Everyone turned to see the breath-taking bride. Strutting down the aisle, Lindsay locked eyes with her dad, who was tearing up as she walked with him. The moment Brady saw his wife-to-be, his face immediately lit up. She stood in front of the reception in awe of the whole experience. Her old selfish ways of life would finally disappear with the words “I do”. Lindsay would no longer just be living for herself, but for another person. She explains “We now work together as a team in this world, rather than alone.”

Then the magnificent ceremony began. Friends and family watched in awe, they were finally seeing two people madly in love, come together “for as long as they both shall live.” The minister states, “Take hands and repeat after me: I, Brady, take you, Lindsay, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live”. After exchanging these words, Lindsay and Brady were now considered Mr. and Mrs. Closson.

“Perfect” were the words Lindsay used to explain her wedding to me. She was now not one person, but one of two. Lindsay enthusiastically explained to me about her amazing husband saying, “My life is so wonderful because of the man I get to share it with. He provides love, protection, grace, forgiveness, affection, friendship and respect. He treats me as though I am the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to him, and we enjoy the moments we share together.” I got the awesome opportunity to meet Brady not to long ago. All I can say is she is understating his awesomeness. Brady treats her like a princess, and Lindsay is so madly in love with him. They are the perfect couple.

Her wedding dress is a reminder of her breath-taking wedding, and her amazing friends and family. The dress symbolizes her “once in a lifetime partnership” with her great husband, Brady. This object shows her life evolving, from being single to becoming a team of two. This wedding dress is not just spectacular, but a memory that she will cherish forever.

For me, I take their partnership as an example of who my husband must be. He has to treat me like Brady does Lindsay. And like Lindsay is to Brady, I must be so madly in love with my future husband. He has to be my best friend and someone who will provide “love, protection, grace, forgiveness, affection, friendship, and respect.” I thank Lindsay and Brady for being an amazing model and influence on me and my life. Lindsay last words to me in the interview were simply, “I am so glad my wedding dress is in my life, because it reminds me I have a husband to share my life with. And for that, I am thankful.”

Dating

It seems like having a boyfriend in high school is the norm/ the cool thing to do. I mean if you went to my high school for a day you would notice all the couples making out in the halls, and holding hands. Society is telling every teenager that you need a boyfriend, and we want that, we want someone to tell us they love us. We want that person to protect us. I mean God created attraction; we want to be with another person of the opposite sex. But society takes it a little farther and says that “love” is going a little farther with your boyfriend then you would have wanted. Your friends, you find, are having sex, and doing other things. Then you see on TV teens who are having sex and they make it seem like they are cool. Let’s face it, high school has a lot of pressure to have a boyfriend. 


Are you the girl that dreamed of having a boyfriend ever since you were little? Do you imagine him in your head saying how he would be the perfect guy, a gentleman, who treated you like a princess, and is drop dead gorgeous? I know I did. But now you are in high school, and never had a boyfriend. But maybe you have, and he turned out to be quite the opposite of that perfect guy you imagined.  He was a total jerk, and only dated you for what you would do with him.


But is that what love is? Is love making out with him, or doing other things to him? That can’t be all to what love is, yet we believe what are peers in high school and what society tells us.


Hey you, yeah you, that girl, that teenage girl that just wants a guy to love, and comfort her, you. Guess what? You don’t need a boyfriend right now. If you tell yourself all you want and need is a guy then you tend to lower your standards, believe me I have been there. Are you the type of girl that, if a guy tells you that he likes you, and you didn’t like him before, you start telling yourself you like him because he liked you first? I was that girl. All I wanted was a person who loved me for me. But what I didn’t know was, that wasn’t love. No, far from it. That guy I dated, he wasn’t after me because he liked me, he liked me because of what I could give him. Have you been down this road? What I have learned from this experience is that I can’t lower my standards for a guy just because I want a boyfriend.


Recently in my youth group we have been talking about dating and guys. They talked about how God created dating for marriage, not just to date any guy who says he likes you. This really got me thinking, if God tells me I should date for the guy I want to marry then what do I want my future husband to be like. So I made a list. I admit some of it is really superficial, but come on I am still a 15 year old girl! After I read this list, and had a vivid idea of who my perfect guy would be like, I realized how horrible the guys I have previously dated were. Most of them didn’t meet any of my standards.  Yet I dated them.  I wanted to feel loved. But it wasn’t love.


God has a perfect guy for you, someone who He hand-picked for you. What I am asking is that you don’t lower your standards. You were “perfectly and wonderfully made”. You’re beautiful. DO NOT go for a guy who doesn’t love you for you! Do not “awaken love”. Be patient and don’t go after the bad guys. If you are thinking it’s too hard, and believe me, I KNOW ITS HARD, all I want you to do is write your own list of the perfect guy. The next time a guy asks you out, or you like a guy, I want you to look back at your list and see if he matches up to that guy. He probably won’t. All you to know is that you are precious and a gem, you don’t need a bad guy, and you deserve the BEST! Just wait for him, don’t give your body up to any jerk that says “I loves you”.

Go after your Dreams

In this day and age many people grow up having dreams. I remember going to Disney World when I was a kid, and every time I left I remember feeling that this moto was true, “All my dreams could come true”.

Maybe when you were little you had a dream. Maybe it was being a princess, or perhaps when you were older it was owning your own company. I am sure you can think of one time were you had a dream. And for that one moment when you were a little kid, in my case after going to Disney World, it felt as though you could accomplish it, and actually could have all your dreams come true. 

But then... you got older. You came to recognize that those dreams were realistically impossible, and too hard to accomplish. You realized that getting to those dreams, of owning your own business, helping the poor, or becoming an author, is harder then you thought. You realized it would take a lot more work and effort, and it wouldn’t just magically appear when you got older. Then you even came to realize this painful reality, that even if you give it your all and work hard, that may not even be enough to make your dreams come true.

Most of us stop right there. We realize that our dreams seem impossible. We can now see the reality of our dreams, and how unrealistic they are in accomplishing. You let negative thoughts of doubt ruin your imagination, “I can’t own my own Christian teen girl conference, no, it may fail, it will be too hard, I don’t have enough money, enough resources, what if no one goes to it?" So what do we do?  We let our doubts set in, and we decided not to take any steps in accomplishing our dreams. But why?

If we really want our dreams to come true then why not go after it? If we really want to accomplish something why not take the hard route in life, and take the steps we need to get to our goal. For some of us though we find ourselves to comfortable in our position now. Maybe it’s the job you’re at, it is a sturdy job, you may not be the happiest there, “but it’s paying the bills” you tell yourself. We think that “paying the bills” is enough. But is it really? God is saying “No, you shouldn’t stop at comfortable, you should do hard things, for Me”. Jesus didn’t take the easy way out, no He took the hard route and ended up saving you and me.

God gave you many gifts when you were born. Maybe you are good at talking to people, or maybe you’re good at writing, whatever it is, God gave you those gifts for a reason. Do you think he wants you to sit around at work all day, every day? I don’t think so, I think he gave us those gifts so we can use them!

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you, and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

We have dreams for a reason, they are so we can imagine something we want. So that in turn will give us the boost we need to go out and accomplish them. He has huge plans for your life, and your dreams! I have a question I want you to think about, are you going to allow God to help you accomplish his big plans for you, or are you going to stop Him and sit around at your job?

I am challenging you today, to first, write down your goals on a piece of paper. Second, below them I want you to write steps you can take to accomplish them; after that pray about it, ask if that’s were God wants you now. Then, the last thing, if God is saying yes, I want you to go out and take those steps needed to accomplish them.

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards. They try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” ~ Margaret Young ~

“Unless you start doing something different, you are in for more of the same.” ~ Author Unknown ~

“Go confidently in the direction of your Dreams. Live the life you've imagined!” ~ Henry David Thoreau ~

You are More Video

This is an amazing song, with amazing lyrics, and an amazing message.

Maybe there is something holding you back, something that you are feeling regret about. Well guess what there is good news, YOU ARE FORGIVEN! Nothing, and i mean nothing you can do can seperate you from Jesus' love and mercy.

I could write a nice, strongly worded blog about this song, and the lyrics. When really I dont need to, just the lyrics to the song are enough. Mike (the singer) did a nice job writing this song, almost as though he was writing a blog post when he wrote it. So anyways here is the lyrics (:

You are More
Tenth Avenue North

There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes

From the places she's wandered

And the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here?

I'm not who I once was.

 And I'm crippled by the fear

That I've fallen too far to love"
But don't you know who you are,

What's been done for you?

Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

 You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.
Well she tries to believe it

That she's been given new life

 But she can't shake the feeling

That it's not true tonight
She knows all the answers

 And she's rehearsed all the lines

And so she'll try to do better

But then she's too weak to try
But don't you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

 You've been remade.
You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.
'Cause this is not about what you've done,

But what's been done for you.

 This is not about where you've been,

But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,

But what He felt to forgive you,

And what He felt to make you loved.
You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.
You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

 You are more than the problems you create,

 You've been remade.
You've been remade

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

 

 

 

How to deal with Stress

Today I am going to talk about how to deal with stress. I am not a master at dealing with stress, not at all, but I do have an opinion on this subject. 

For one, I see too many of the people I love who are stressed out – I guess that’s why I wanted to talk about this. Sometimes even if you love your job, you can still find yourself being stressed out. Yes, even if you love your job! But, what matters is how you react to the stress.

Sometimes stress can be good. Maybe the stress of having to finish your task actually motivates you to finish it. But not all the time even that type of stress can be good. For example, you have a huge goal you have to meet by the end of the month and this goal seems impossible. So you stop all activities you have had planned, ignore your outside life, and totally %100 give your all to completing it. That is bad stress.

Stress isn’t supposed to be a blocker to our outside life. If you get in the habit of needing to complete the tasks to save your job, and blocking your life, this is when you will find yourself lost. If you continually push-off your life for your job, you will never be happy.

First I think you need to understand why you feel you need to finish your task. Let’s use the previous example; so you’re ignoring all outside life, and you feel like this is the only way you will be able to complete it. You can’t have outside distractions or you won’t complete it efficiently or effectively – well that’s what you tell yourself. But then you end up getting lost, you start getting easily angered,  and very impatient with your loved ones. Stop right here, why do you feel you need to finish this task? Is it because you want to keep your job, or pay the bills? If so, why do you feel you need to keep your job? Is it because you want to have a house for your loved ones, or be able to provide for your family? If so, then why are you letting the stress of your job hold you back from your loved ones.

What I am saying is that your job should always come second to anything you are doing for, you, your family, and the most important thing, God. Remember this when you are feeling stressed out.

Another point I want to make, in 50 years, after you retire, what will you have left? Will it be your job? Or will it be friends and family? Whatever is happening right now won’t matter in the future.

Not only can stress deter you from your friends, family and God, it can also cause serious health issues like

So my blog today was called “How to deal with Stress” so I think I should make a list of ways to deal with stress lol.

One- do something you love. Maybe it is a sport, or hanging out with your friends, do that because that will help you get your mind off it

Second- think positive.

Negative                                               Positive

Third- when you get to a stressful point in your day, or just are feeling really stressed out try to do this,

·    Count to 10 before you speak.

·    Take three to five deep breaths.

·    Walk away from the stressful situation, and say you'll handle it later.

·    Go for a walk.

·    Don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry" if you make a mistake.

·    Set your watch five to 10 minutes ahead to avoid the stress of being late.

·    Break down big problems into smaller parts. For example, answer one letter or phone call per day, instead of dealing with everything at once.

Fourth-  have a time during the day were you relax. During this time, don’t do anything, don’t think, just relax. Maybe this time is before you sleep and you’re praying or reading your bible.

Last- PRAY. God will help you if you ask, ask him to help you see the positive in situations. God is an amazing stress reliever, use HIM!

Homecoming

So Homecoming was last weekend...


I have to say I was really excited to go this year. Last year I went with my friends, but this year I went with my boyfriend. I dont know how old you are, or how your homecomings were like, so ill try to explain mine to you.

Every is grinding, I mean EVERYBODY! There is a huge crowd in the center where all the kids huddle around and dance in. On the outsides, like near the corner of the gym, or the people who one cant dance or two dont want to dance. I was somewhere in the middle.

I am a christian, as many of you are, so grinding isn't something we should be doing. I knew this going into the dance but once I arrived its like everything I thought going into the dance erased.Within the first three minutes I was grinding with my boyfriend. After an hour we went to get a drink. But I had this really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, I cant explain it. I remember just wanting to run away and go cry to my friend Vickey.

I went into the dance with the best intentions, Gods wants. But during the dance I gave into the pressure of my peers. I saw everyone doing it, so i did. I was very disappointed in myself. In the cafeteria I told my bf that I didnt want to grind anymore, and you know what? We didnt! and I can honestly say we had an amazing time. We still danced, but not that type. We still had fun, even with Jesus approval.

I know sometimes seeing everyone else doing it make you want to fit in, and do it. But the thing is, we can't just give into the peer pressure. It is so easy to just go along with everyone, but it takes strength and courage to stand up and do what Jesus wants you to. Being a teenager we are faced with an overwhelming pressure to do bad things. I know you have felt it. But know this, not EVERYBODY is doing it, there are other people in your school that have your same values. I previously mentioned my friend Vickey. I have only known her for 3 weeks, but we are already really close friends. She is someone I look up to. Vickey is a senior at my school, but also a very strong Christian. Her and I have been through a lot of the same struggles and going to her is so easy for me now. What I am saying is you need to surround yourself with people who will tempt and encourage you to do the right thing - what Jesus would do.


"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20

Sermon

First I would like to thank all the people who prayed for me, it means a lot and I say thanks from the bottom of my heart. SO I did it! I did my first sermon ever! Ahhhhh, I remember when I was probably in 5^th grade and I prayed to God and promised Him that when I was older I would be a pastor, this was kind of that promise starting to be fulfilled – it’s just the beginning though. Anyways, here it is, the amazing Kirstin's first sermon at Ebenezer UMC(:

Did I look nervous? Well I was, well at least the week and night before Sunday-  I was so nervous I got little no  sleep!

I wanted to kind of right a post off of my little sermon here, so here it goes.

Two years ago I could have NEVER imagined doing this. Honestly, back then I probably would have laughed in your face, if you told me I would be doing this. If you have seen me talk in class at school, or just talking in front of a crowd, you would know I suck at it. I just cannot talk in front of people. I get so nervous, and then my whole body and voice start to shake, and it just gets really bad.

This fear of talking front of people probably started back in 6^th grade when I was at a church camp called Manidoken. Every day of the week a different age group would get in front of the camp and lead worship. Well, when the day my group got the chance to lead I started getting really nervous. We decided we were going to do a skit. My part was to scream when the girl dropped the paper. Yeah that’s it, that is all I had to do. Well I started freaking out. When the skit started, and it came to my part, I totally chocked and screamed at the top of my lungs. Someone far away probably thought someone was dying. Anyways so then the whole camp jumped back and started at me, for what seemed to be forever!  I was so embarrassed, still to this day I remember that memory really well.

As you can see I don’t really have a good record talking in front of people, because of this I debated whether or not I should even do the sermon. I was so scared that I would go up there and choke. And because of this fear it made me not want to step out of my comfort zone, and not try hard things.

Obviously I ended up saying yes to my pastor’s offer, and I am glad I did; because I did great! What I found, and really the reason why I am writing this, is that when God puts hard things for us to do that make us step out of our comfort zone, we tend to say no to quick. We think “oh I can’t do that, that’s too hard” or “I’m too scared to”. Believe me I felt this way. I thought because of my age that I wouldn’t be able to do a good sermon.

Guess what though. After my sermon tons of people came up to me crying, telling me how good of a job I did, how it has affected them, and how they needed to hear that. An older lady came up to me in tears and said “That was the most powerful sermon I have ever heard in my life” WOW! That is a complement! Others came up to me and told me their story and how my sermon was perfect timing for what they were going through. I admit I did start to tear up when I was shaking every ones hand, person after person was coming up in tears telling me I did amazing. But the best one came from our senior guy pastor who told me it brought him to tears. Then my girl pastor said that she wants me to speak on EASTER!

All of this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t step out of my comfort zone and I didn’t put myself in a risky situation for Christ. When He gives us opportunity’s to bring glory to his name, don’t say no just because you are scared. I promise you He will show up and give you the strength you need!

“I can do all things through Him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13

I leave you with this song by Britt Nicole;

You really can do anything with Gods strength, don’t let your own fears step in the way of Gods plan for you. God Bless xoxo

Suicide

Really sorry I didn't finish the video. I will try to write a post or finish recording another one, but for now I hope you guys got the message. I pray for all of you still dealing with these issues. Always know I am here to talk, yupthatskirstin@gmail.com sometimes all you need is a good friend, and I am willing to be that for you, if no one else will.

When I was cutting I never found the reason why it was so bad. Why people would tell me it was so bad and I shouldnt do it. I never understood that. I thought, it is helping with my pain and i am not going to die, so it is fine. As I continued cutting became my habit. It became my only method of dealing with hurt, pain, feelings of regret. Cutting was my back-up tool.

But i no know why cutting is bad......because we aren't ourselves when we have Jesus.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

We shouldn't be making marks and ruining are body with a knife. God gave us other ways in our life to cope with emotions, he does not want us to cut. He actually says this,

Leviticus 19:28 You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord.

I now leave you with these hotline numbers, if you need them, call.

National Hopeline Network (U.S.A.) -  http://www.hopeline.com/ - 1-800-SUICIDE
S.A.F.E. Alternatives -  http://www.selfinjury.com/ - Self Abuse Finally Ends

Childhelp –  http://www.childhelp.org/get-help - 1-800-4-A-CHILD - National Child Abuse Hotline
National Domestic Violence Helpline -  http://www.ndvh.org/   - 1-800-799-SAFE
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network -  http://www.rainn.org/ – 1-800-656-HOPE National Sexual Assault Hotline
National Eating Disorders Association - http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help-today/ - 1-800-931-2237

The House

To the unknowing eye, everything seemed normal. The two-story gray house stood, looking untouched. And it was so; the house had not been touched. The driveway lay with only a single car parked in the middle of the pavement, so no other car could fit. The mailbox seemed to have become over-stuffed, as if no one had bothered to pick it up. In the backyard was a pool. Inside the massive water hold were dead insects, leaves, sticks, and dirt. All appeared to have grown inside the pool for multiple months, with nothing that disturbed them. Then lay the fire wood. Half of it missing, half thrown aside as if no one cared. This, out of everything, was the most disturbing. The wood was there, left alone, and cold. Next to the wood was placed a grill, man's best friend. But there was leaves inside, and weeds growing up from the sides. This was not a normal house, after all; it was a broken one.

If you passed by this house, you would think nothing of the overly stuffed mail box, or the car parked in the middle of the driveway. But if you were a friend of the people who lived in this house, you would realize it is no longer a home. Inside arose the family. Hair un-brushed, dirt on their clothes, eyes stained with tears. Something was wrong, something was missing. What was it?

The three children wept uncontrollably, with no end it felt. The mother tried to stand tall, because she was the eldest of the family now. Her role now was different then before. The eldest son dried his eyes, and promised his mother he would be the man of the house now. The mother then broke down and cried. Her strength seemed no longer strong enough. For they have been betrayed by the man who they thought they had known.

“God,” the youngest son yelled. “Why did this happen! Why can't you fix it? Please God, I just want a normal family. Please!” He broke down.

The whole family questioned God. But how couldn't you? This could never have been in his plan, could it? The questions still left in the air.

For, he was not the man the mother had married. He was different. This father had grown into a new person before their eyes. How could somebody have done this after so long? Did he not know he had a wife? Did he forget he had 3 children? Did he forget his friends who loved him? Why did he do this? Why, was the question.

The seemingly untouched man returned one day, with a smile on his face. He had no remorse in his eye. Did he not remember what he did to his friends and family? He stood at the door, and asked for the rest of his belongings. And so it was, the man was gone.

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11

Expectations

As many of you know, I am 15 years old. I have gone through a lot of difficult experiences up to this point. Many I would say, have formed me to be the strong Christian I am today. But, it was hard. I know most of you who read my blog are older, around 20 ish. So if you know a high schooler feel free to share this with them.

Going into high school I expected a culture shock compared to middle school, and boy did I get one. Everything was so different. In middle school everyone looked down at the kids who were smoking and drinking. But in high school it seemed like everyone was praising the people who did bad things. Because in high school it's normal to drink, party, and have sex. At least that's what everybody was saying.

At homecoming and prom, the teachers and faculty were EXPECTING us to get in trouble. They had so little expectations of us, they had ever person take a breathalyzer before they could enter the dance. Now don't get me wrong, it was a good idea, and over 2 buses full of students got sent home. But my point is, the teachers, adults, parents, fellow students, expect teenagers to get in trouble.

So when I was an entering freshman, I had these low expectations. I decided to live down to them, and as many of you know I got into some bad things. Many of my friends scooped down to these expectations with me. Actually most of our grade (9^th graders) decided it was cool to do it. As I went along with the crowd I realized something. None of us were happy, and everyone knew what we were doing was wrong.

But then why do no one stand up and say this is wrong? If we all knew we didn’t want to be doing this, why didn’t we stop? Simple. Peer pressure. If someone said something, everyone would go with what everyone thought everyone was thinking, and say that person was stupid, weird, a geek. When in fact, they were thinking the same thing, that this was wrong.

Guess what? You don't have to scoop down to these expectations, in fact you should rise above them and set new ones for yourself! Challenge yourself to live bigger then what's expected, live bigger then average. Become something bigger for Christ.

David was estimated to be 17 when he killed Goliath - something that a man couldn't do! God sent a teenager instead. He thought that teen's were better equipped for the job. God has bigger plans for you now, then you could even image. Live up to God's expectation's for you, not society's.

Here are some bible verse's I want you to think about:

Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith, and your pure life. 1 Timothy 4:12

It is good for someone to work hard while he is young. Lamentations 3:27

The righteous should CHOOSE HIS FRIENDS CAREFULLY, for the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26

He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20

You can choose to go alone with the crowd, or you can choose to take a path with Christ. I know it is hard, the pressure sometimes can be really overwhelming. But, you can say NO. Once I decided to stop living down to these expectations I found my life changing. I know yours can too.

You have a choice.

Beautiful

As a girl I know we have are fair share of insecurity’s - our bodies, hair, legs! Every girl does; models, celebrities, your mom, your co-worker, YOU. We all have a mind set of what beautiful is - you have to be skinny, have flawless skin, long legs, and just overall be perfect.

I know we look in our magazines and gossip columns, we look at the cute fashion trends and the beautiful women on the front cover, and think “Why can't I look like her?”You know the funny thing is, those "people" on the covers have been photo-shopped to look like the perfect version of society's "beautiful" - and they do!

But then we get the thought in our head "oh I don't look like her, I'm not pretty" "shes skinnier then me, I need to lose weighted" "she is tall, I wish I had her height". The list can go on and on.
Lately I've been feeling really insecure - I know I'm not what society calls beautiful. I will never be able to change that. Even if I got plastic surgery, lyposucktion, botox, whatever - I could look exactly like the girls we see on the cover of the magazines, but you know what, I wont be any happier.
 I think that's what we are really searching for when we try to look pretty. We look for something we aren't ashamed of, something that will make us happy with ourselves, and our bodies.

But you know what I found? The only thing that will make us look and feel beautiful, is the man who made us, and the man who approved every single hair on your body, and that person is Jesus Christ. He believes you are drop died gorgeous. He believes you are so amazing, you were to die for!
You don't need anybody or anything to make you feel beautiful, you need Jesus. The man who never judges, and the man who loves you unconditionally

Because guess what girls, there could NEVER be a more beautiful you... 

 

Dedicated to the three most beautiful people I know, Danielle, Mandie, and Jacqueline (: 

Dear Revolve

Dear Revolve Tour and Women of Faith (cause you kind of run Revolve),

I'm writing this to tell you my story, about how Revolve changed my life – to help you realize the amazing things you're doing, if you didn't already know(:

My names Kirstin, I went to Revolve in 09' and 11'. I heard about Revolve through my friend Hannah, she invited me to go with her, her mom and some of the people from her church. I accepted only because I didn’t have plans that weekend. During that time in my life my friend was threatening to kill herself, and I was the only one that knew. I had started cutting a couple months before I went to Revolve 09' . When I was there I remember feeling God's overwhelming presents in the room, filled with thousands of teen. Even though I knew about God I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. The whole time I was there I was hoping that one of the speakers or artist would say something about suicide - anything to help my friend. I didn’t care about myself, I wanted to help her. The only thing I remember that really stuck out to me was Britt Nicole’s song 'Feel the Light'.

Once Revolve was over I went home and looked up Britt Nicole, someone who I never heard about before Revolve, in fact before Revolve I didn’t know Christian music out of the hymns at my church! When I looked her up I came across the song 'When she Cries', both of these songs helped me through that time, although my cutting continued.

This past year, Revolve 11' was the changing point in my life. I had continued cutting up till then, I had started drinking, and doing other bad things, but NEVER drugs. A week before I planned on doing drugs, Hannah invited me to Revolve which was also that weekend! So I had a choose Revolve or drugs. I choose Revolve, best decision of my life, that was definitely a God thing. Every word that came from the speakers, artists, and drama teams mouth I took to heart. I decided I would actually listen this year, and get as much as I could out of it.

We where unfortunate and didn’t get tickets to Britt's signing, which was a big reason why I came this year. After Britt was done, she walked by me, looked me in the eyes, smiled, and waved. I'll never forget that moment, that made my life. I remember being the happiest I had been in a long time. Her eyes where amazing. She has Jesus eyes. I could feel Jesus in her, and from that moment I told myself “I want to be like her”, “I want to find Jesus like she did”. I gave my life to Jesus at Revolve. I promised myself I would never go back to my old ways - you know what I haven't, I'm 8 months clean!

I now sponsor two kids, one from Zimbabwe and one from India. I am fully responsible for them, I have to raise all the money for them. So I started doing charity events for World Vision, all by myself with no help from anyone. So far I have raise over $800! Also through my blog, I have gotten to share my story and influence many other teens who have gone through the same thing. On facebook I created a fake facebook account for my high school, which instead of the account being used for cyber-bullying, I am using it as a site to encourage people and realize they aren’t alone. I have helped countless people who where thinking suicide and many who were cutting themselves. We make uplifting status, and do things called My stories, where people from my school write in and tell us their story and we post it anonymously. This facebook account is getting very popular, ive been told by many people how I have helped them - I couldnt even count how many!

Without Revolve and Jesus I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this! Thank you so much for everything you guys are doing, I hope and pray that you guys will be able to continue spreading Jesus’s love. I know many other people who's life has been changed through Revolve, you guys are making a difference and I want you to know this! Revolve was my hope. Revolve was God's way of giving me a “wake up call”. Honestly without this conference I would be cutting, drinking, and doing drugs. I'm so blessed to have been part of something amazing like this. Please never stop doing what your doing.

Also I wanted to say thanks to Jenna for something she said about cutting near the end of the 11' year, “leave the engraving up to Him”. That stuck with me, thank you. Jamie thank you for being so awesome, your music always picks me up when i'm down. I was so happy when you talked to me after Creation! I'm always so happy when you reply to me on twitter, I geek(: Never stop talking to your fans, cause that what separates you from others - you care enough to talk to people. Thanks! Britt your music has helped me, honestly, it helped me realize GOD IS LISTENING! HE IS WITH ME! I love you for that, hopefully one day I will be able to talk to you in person and tell you how much it means. Chad thanks for giving me the courage to break up with my boyfriend who was doing some bad things and being a bad influence on me. Court thank you for never not smiling, every time you smile I can't stop smiling at your smiling! You don’t realize how much that means to me, I love how crazy you are, NEVER CHANGE! Blanca thanks for come up to my group after your signing and talking to us, and just being awesome! Drama team, thank you for the suicide skit, that was one of the deepest moments and much needed moments of my Revolve experience.

Revolve tour and Women of Faith, THANK YOU for letting God use you to helping thousands of women!

Love,

Kirstin Beck, 15

Overcoming Fear

Fear has many different definitions;

Google say's- Fear: An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

The Bible say's in 2 Timothy 1:7: "God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control" In this case they use the word fear as "fright" or "dread".

I Cor. 2:3 - "I was with you in weakness and in fear" With fear meaning "phobia"

I know I have my fair share of fears; the unknown, trusting, future, death, how others think of me, snakes, heights, suffering, and pain. All of those fears listed are called Non- personal.

Some Inter- personal fear's I and you may face; relationships, love, broken relationships, disapproval, what others think, what others might do, rejection, what will happen to our family, abandonment, the world, opponent, embarrassed, loneliness, having nothing to say, or offending someone.

The last kind of fear there is, is called Intra- personal. These fears include: Failure, inadequacy, inability, responsibility, success, our capability to hurt, being out of control, security, being dependent, being fearful, being exposed, or insignificance.

Just reading those fears, cause me to fear. Fear can cause us to do many things -have anxiety, sleep deprieve, headaches, muscual tension, or hyperactivity. Fear causes procrastination, or never trying. It makes us give up on things we never tried.

Why do we fear? We feel threatened, perceived danger, feel powerless, genuine guilt, false guilt, or rejection.
But the greatest thing that fear causes is, get in the way of God's plan for us. IFear causes us to question our Lord, as if He is weak, as if he doesn't know what He is doing. Fear is the enemy. God is good. With God there is no fear, so how do i get rid of these fears? How do I learn to trust God? How do I look past my fears to Jesus?

God's answer to all fear is faith. All your fears are gone when you believe God is good. When you understand all his intentions are for the best. When you see that God is all- knowing and all -powerful!

  ²⁶ “So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. ²⁷ What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. ²⁸ Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. ²⁹ Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.^{[a] 30} And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹ So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. -Matthew 10: 26-31

Fear. Only. God.

Trust Issues

A lot of people don't know that I have trust issues -actually I don't think anyones knows.

Hi, my name is Kirstin and I have trust issues.

Before I got saved I don't think I could have ever admitted that, which is sad. I think it all started because of this girl, Haley. We got so close, beyond close, closer than I have ever gotten with a friend. We talked for over 6 hours a day, or more(during school days)! My life was her. Then one day on facebook she started calling me names, cussing me out, for no reason. I'll NEVER forget that day. How could my BEST friend do that? Then she started spreading rumors about me. It just got really dirty, really quick. To this day when we see each other at church we don't look at each other, even when we're standing right next to each other.

This has affected me greatly, not just because I lost my best friend, but because I don't think I can ever get that close to someone anymore. Lately God has blessed me with some great older influences in my life. I've gotten close with some of them, but it's so hard trusting that they won't turn their backs on me, and leave me. That's why I think i come across as needy, not cause I need them, but because I need to know they still care. I don't excpect them to ever understand this. It's hard when they yell at me and say "i'm not going to try to get you to talk", because I know they're right, they shouldn't have to -when I hear that though I think "they dont care enough to try". I know its my fault but the worst part is they will never understand.

I just pray they can...

Hi God...

Just a prayer I feel like I've been saying, I don't know how to pray "right" but I know my God hears and doesn't need fancy words for Him to understand me(:

Dear God,

You know the struggles I'm facing. You know the worries that are taking over my mind. But God I don't get why I can't just let it go and trust you. I know you're God almighty and can do anything, but its so hard for me to let go, and let you work father. Sometimes I feel like I can trust you lord, but I cant trust people. How do I know they won't turn their backs on me? How do I know if what I'm doing is in your plan? God I wish I knew your plans, but I'm just a little speak and don't have the knowledge and wisdom you have. Father could you shot some of your precious wisdom down to me? I love you Jesus. Thank you so much for dieing for a sinner like me. I try my best to live for you than myself but its so hard sometimes. Is what I'm doing for  you? I mean I know I'm helping people and all but I'm not teaching them about YOU! Isn't that why I'm here? To spread your love? God what if everyone turns there back on me and no one likes me anymore? How can i go through high school living like that? Would you let that happen to me God? I'm so small, could what I be doing make a difference? I know I've helped a lot of people, but why are their still people hating. It makes me wonder if what I'm doing is right. I'm so scared of the future and what it holds but you tell me in Jeremiah not to worry about the future because what ever it is, it's in my best interest.Father, I'm sorry for my sins please forgive me I ask this in Jesus's holy name. I love you sooooo much. Thank you for this day and the family you've blessed me with. Please Jesus, Help me.

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.

Judging

In school I swear I have been taught; “don't judge a book by its cover” a million times- whether it be my 8th grade or 9th grade English teacher teaching the subject. Everyone say's it, but no one does it. The same was true with me.

Before I started this facebook account, ( I started an account for our school to encourage people, and help them realize their worth and aren't alone) I looked at the school, I saw the people I liked, and the people I didn't like. The people I didn't like, I judged- maybe it was something they said about me, or something I heard about them, that made me to not like them. I didn't know them. I didn't know there struggles, I just looked at them and saw what I thought about them, my judgments.

The same may be true about you too. You have the people you like, and don't like. But the people you dont like, I have a question. Do you make fun of them? Do you talk behind there back to your friends? Do you start rumors about them? Do you give them dirty looks? Do you roll your eyes? I hope not. But, I know most of you do, and sometimes I'm guilty of it to. The thing is, that's why life, our jobs, our schooling is messed up -because we judge people.

Have you thought of their feelings when you give them dirty looks? Or talk behind their back? They feel the same emotions as you do, it hurts them. They don't like it when people are being mean to them, just as much as you do.

Another thing you don't know is them. This is the biggest lesson i've learned from this facebook account -YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THEY'RE STRUGGLING WITH! The first person I helped told me she wanted to kill herself because of bullies. You know what? I was someone that didn't like her, I didn't make fun of her, but we definitely weren't the best of friends. But, I was blessed to have gotten to help her -I will never look at her in the same way.

You don't know what's behind every smile. Your co-worker could be struggling with divorce. Or maybe they're in an abusive relationship. Maybe they gossip about how others look, because they grew up and everyday their mom told them they were ugly. What if they were molestead as a kid and now don't know how to trust anybody, not even you at work. My point is the people you see everyday, and judge, you don't know them. You don't know their past or their struggles.

“Never judge a book by it's cover”

Their cover is just a mask of what's truly on the inside.

Stop judging

She's emo?
You'd cut too if you've gone through what she has.
She's Anorexic?
You would be too if you were called fat everyday.
She's A Whore?
She made one mistake & it cost her her reputation.
She's Loud?
She's invisible at home, and wants to be heard.
She's A Geek?
She wants to go far to help her poverty ridden family.
She's Ugly?
Tell me, what's the definition of beauty?
You don't know their story.
So Don't Judge.

25 Reasons Why I Love Lindsay Closson

25 reasons isn't enough for me to start to explain to you how much I appreciate you -but it's a start to your awesomeness. Hehe. Let me begin...



1) I can tell you anything and you won't be shocked.
2) If I'm way out of line, you tell me, and when I'm doing a good job, you tell me that too.
3) You send me encouraging texts at just the right moments(:
4) You make room for me in your life, even when your life is crowded and busy. (SO grateful for that)
5) I admire your self-control: You actually think before you speak. *Cough*
6) No one else gives me the total attention you do, when I have a problem or just need to talk.
7) You know my dark side and I know yours. No judgments there.
8) Somtimes you give me tough love when I really need gentle love- but I know that's because you're worried and care about me.
9) There are a few things from my past and you're the only one who knows about them- but you don't hold them against me(:
10) You're better than a sister: No sibling rivalry!
11) You laugh at my jokes (most of the time(; )
12) You always know the right thing to say.
13) Sometimes you don't have time for me. That might make me sad or hurt for a while, but hey, you'll ALWAYS be back.
14) Your love for me is as unconditional, as mine is for you.
15) One hug from you is worth 10 from any other friend.
16) You never get clingy, but you don't mind if I occasionally do.
17) You are BRILLIANT and gives the world's most incredible advice.
18) Whenever we go somewhere, you drive. (and can i add shes amazing at it)(;
19) You are always looking out for other people and helping in every way you can. You constantly give of yourself, and have taught me SO MUCH about selflessness and serving.
20) You're an amazing person of Christ and have helped me grow a lot spiritually
21) You tells me when I'm wrong, or when I'm being stupid, which helps me see things more clearly.
22) You always listen to me even if it's hard for me to say it.
23) You always make me smile(:
24) You are awesome at modeling but you're different than the other models, because you're not stuck up, mean, and dramaful, you're nice, kind, and caring.
25) I love how we communicate so well (refer back to number 11(; )


You're the best 28 year old friend a girl can have, hehe. Love you, friend.

My. God. Is. Healer.

Wow. All I can say is, My. God. Is. Healer.

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Every day, every night for the last 5 days I have been living in FEAR. 24/7. It's the scariest feeling in the world. I couldn't control it. The anxiety weren't like before. Uncontrollable, in the sense they wouldn't stop with what ever I tried doing. But, God had a plan for me. He didn't harm me, and he did GIVE ME HOPE and a future.

In my blog yesterday I explained to you about my psychologist. I preached to him. I knew i was supposed to speech to him about Jesus.

....and last night......

I.WAS.HEALED.

The fear is lifted! Gone! Vanished!

I did NOTHING!

I didn't have anxiety last night!!!! EVERY NIGHT AND DAY I HAD PROBLEMS, and the day I lived for Jesus and not myself, the fears where lifted.

I beilieve the whole time, God wanted me to go see Dr.Burns and preach to him. I think that was God's reason for the fear. He had plans for me bigger than i could see, or think about(:

Oh yeah, and remember how I've been talking about my foot? Healed. It's been bugging me for days, and the doctors still don't know what was wrong with it. AlI know, I woke up and the pain was gone. Disappeared!

Praise Jesus.

Thank you for your prayers(: