Blurry

While in Ethiopia I got to meet some of the happiest people I have ever met before. They had nothing materially but were completely full of joy and life. I learned that Jesus truly is everything a person needs to survive. I learned about the depth of His character and the joy found in Him. Once back from Ethiopia, I was submerged back in Americas materialistic culture. My view of Jesus was so clear in Ethiopia, I “got it”. But now that I am back in America my view of Him is blurred again. I know He is the same, I just can't see Him as clear. I hate this. I hate being morphed by our culture. I just want to see Jesus again like I did in Ethiopia. I think that's another reason why I want to move their so bad. The Devil is trying to tell me I can't experience God like I did in Ethiopia while in America. I know that's a lie, but its almost true. How can I see God when there are idols and stuff in the way? How can I live with the same dependence when I am comfortable? There is nothing in my life where I truly need to rely on Him. Inside me I am trying to find where, what, how. I just want to experience God like I did in Ethiopia. I don't want to be conformed by this World. This seems like a helpless situation. Jesus, you are the only one that can show me the Way, the Way out, the Way to life, the Way to joy, the Way to Truth. Nothing is impossible through You who gives me strength. Break the chains around me. Reveal the idols. Point me towards you. Teach me to how to depend on you in America- show me what that means. How can I grow when I am so comfortable? I want pain to happen so I can dig deeper in Your heart. I want to do something. I just don't know what to do. I want my life to matter. What should I do Jesus? Show me. Help me fight the Devil. I need You. Help me be h a p p y. Help me find j o y. Help me have l I f e. Revive these dead bones, with a fresh breath of your spirit. You are good, all the time, all the time, all the time.