Ethiopia is now a moment in the past,
the future awaits me. It's now my senior year of high-school, so
college is on my mind, right? Not exactly. All I know is that before
I left for Ethiopia I had this thought in my heart that I would move
there. In Addis, I sat on the balcony for the last couple hours
before leaving. I kept thinking, whens the next time I am going to be
back. In the airport leaving, I was crying, not because I missed my
family, but because I couldn't stand the thought of leaving this
country. I wanted to stay so bad. But still in my heart I had this
knowledge that I would be back, that leaving was only temporary. I am
back in America and I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't angry.
I am mad. I don't want to be here. But I trust God. He has me in
America for this season of my life for a reason, so I will follow
Him. A day after being back I was on my back porch, peering out in
the distance. I looked at the woods I grew up playing in, where so
many memories had been made. I looked at my basketball court and the
hours I spent practicing on it- hoping to get in the WNBA. But inside
me, for the first time ever, I felt like this wasn't my home. That
America, the place I have lived for 16 years of my life wasn't my
home. I am so confused by these emotions. How could I be feeling this
way about Ethiopia if I have only been there for 7 days? I don't
understand. Now I am left waiting. Patiently waiting on the God of
the Universe to open a door for me to return to Ethiopia. What if all
these thoughts and feelings are a lie? What if I am supposed to go to
college right after high school? Worst of all, what if God isn't
calling me to Ethiopia? So many emotions. So many doubts. So many
fears. But I have one constant. No matter what happens, Ethiopia,
college, whatever, Jesus is with me. God has a huge plan for my life,
whether or not Ethiopia is involved. Jesus loves me so much. I still
have my best friend fighting for me. He loves me and wants my dreams
to come true. Even if Jesus breaks my heart and I am not moving to
Ethiopia, I will praise Him. I will worship Him. I will follow Him. I
will scream from the mountain tops that He is Lord. Jesus is
everything. He is all I need to fill me up, to be whole. I don't need
Ethiopia, I need Jesus and I already have Him. So no matter what
happens in the next week, I will praise Him and love Him the best I
can.
Spirit lead me where my
trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the
waters
Where ever you would
call me
Take me deeper than my
feet could ever wander
That my faith would be
made stronger
In the presence of my
Savor
Hey Kirstin! I love that you went to Ethiopia. And I can somewhat try to understand how you were feeling when you wrote this. You know what I've discovered over the years? As we draw nearer to God, His desires become our desires. If you feel a deep desire to go back to Ethiopia, I believe that desire didn't just show up all by itself. Most likely, God put it there. But be patient and wait for His perfect timing. He never gets it wrong! Much love!
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